Social Butterfly

It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything. Let’s be honest. It’s been almost two years, who am I fooling? In two years a lot has changed. I’m married. I still have one child. He’s ten now and is hurdling into the sixth grade. My husband works for the government and I’m currently on summer vacation from work. I happen to be a teacher/paraprofessional/substitute. I wear many hats at my school…or I use to until summer vacation. I also use to think that I was a social butterfly but I quickly learned that I was not.

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A social butterfly is a slang term for a person who is socially dynamic, networking, charismatic, and personally gregarious.  This is the person that I was. I grew up being a social butterfly among friends and family. However, when I was alone and by myself, I turned into the most quiet and depressed person. As the years went by, I continued to be outgoing and social in the public eye. Now I’m sitting here lost because I am alone.

I have nothing to do during the summer. You can only clean and cook but so much. My son is off at camp and my husband is at work. I remember growing up that I worked two or three jobs. I use to think it was because I needed money to survive but as I sit here I realize its not. I worked so much and kept myself so busy because I didn’t know how to be alone.

I don’t think I love myself as much as I put off. My husband sees this and he tells me he loves me regardless. He wants me to not stress and take on an over bearing workload. He’s there for a reason and I suppose that’s true. He wants me to find myself and fall in love with the person he fell in love with. Easier said than done. I have no idea where to begin. Back home I had tons of friends and beaches. I had so many different outlets and in the states I zilch.

Do you guys know that I have never went to the movies by myself or taken a walk or even gone to the mall for fun? If it wasn’t with someone else then it didn’t happen. I guess I still have a lot to learn about myself. I do know that sometimes being me is lonely. I guess this is the summer that I try and find out who I am. I have more than enough time.

Wish me luck…

Aie

 

 

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One thought on “Social Butterfly

  1. Think of it this was, you’re at a state in life when you can afford downtime and no loner need to work two or three jobs. Finding yourself is a good idea who knows, since you’re a great writer already maybe that person you’re looking to find is an author who wants to write a book and put their story on paper. Or the opposite a person who builds a library in their home and spend time getting lost in another person story. Where ever your search leads I’m sure in the end it will be worth it.

    Good Luck

    Like

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