Day 19 – For Better or For Worse

Day 19 – Discuss your views on divorce

Once again this topic is a heated topic for many. I hope my opinion doesn’t offend anyone as it was not my intention.

I don’t believe in divorce. I strongly believe in for better or for worse. I believe that the vows you take are sacred and you should always keep them in mind. Even though I don’t believe in it, that does not mean that I will condemn someone for doing it.

Divorce is needed in many situations. It happens for many reasons like:

  1. Marrying for the wrong reasons
  2. Lack of individual identity
  3. Not having a shared vision of success
  4. Intimacy is lost
  5. Becoming lost in the roles as mommy and daddy
  6. Unmet expectations
  7. Finances
  8. Distance
  9. Different priorities and interests
  10. Inability to resolve conflicts

Despite everything, I still don’t believe in it. I believe that the person you marry should be the one you’re with for life. If a deal breaker is involved I wouldn’t suggest going against how you feel. The very same deal breaker that you ignored maybe the same one that tears you apart later on in marriage.

I’ve been in four serious long term relationships. I’ve been proposed to by every one of my exes. I’ve told them all no. I like to think that its because there were deal breakers.

7 years – High school sweet heart. He proposed four times and I told him I couldn’t or the timing wasn’t right.

Deal breaker  – He joined the army and he couldn’t accept the situation I was in nor my beliefs. We’re very good friends to this day. He’s married and happy.

3 years – A classmate from high school. He was perfect in every way but he wasn’t perfect for me.

Deal Breaker – There were no deal breakers with us. It just didn’t feel right. I couldn’t find a flaw with him but it felt more like a friendship than a relationship. We separated as friends. Today, he has a daughter and got married to an amazing woman. Her smile lights up the room.

1 1/2 years – Guy from work.

Deal Breaker – He was abusive in every aspect. This speaks volumes.

5 years – College sweet heart. He asked several times. I said yes a couple times but it wasn’t serious. If he did ask in a serious manner and I said yes I would have been settling but with him I was ready to cast my deal breakers aside for him. I was in love. It was the kind of love that blinded you and you stay no matter what.

Deal breaker – He cheated and broke trust. I was still willing to stay. The lying drove me away.

Biggest Deal Breaker – He wasn’t ready to be a father and my son needed a father figure. The fact that he didn’t even want my deal with my last two pregnancies for him spoke volumes. Part of me hoped that one day he would want it as much I did. Shamefully, I was going to break this deal breaker for him.

Current relationship – 7 year friendship. I think our friendship speaks volumes because we’ve both been through so much that we can appreciate each other. I’m not settling with him. He feels right. Everything that I want I’ve found in him. We have no deal breakers. If he asks me to marry him…I’ll say yes. It scary because I’ll say yes and mean it. There is no fear or strings attached. The person I’ve always wanted to marry has been by my side during the ups and downs for 7 years.

I feel like if you have any doubt, any inkling that the person you plan to marry for the rest of your life is someone you’re settling for…then it shouldn’t happen. I’ve seen divorce and I’ve seen it happen in front my face over and over again. I don’t believe in it. Divorce is ugly and it brings out the worse in people. Once you go down that road, you won’t return intact.

The love that you go into the marriage with shouldn’t stay the same. With time that love is suppose to grow to the point where divorce is a myth. Divorce isn’t an easy thing to go through. In my opinion, if it becomes an option then make sure it is your last resort.

© Hikari Aie

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