Day 14 – Your earliest memory
This was suppose to be yesterday’s post. I’m still trying to get it together from working so hard these last couple of days. Stealing naps here and there. Anyway…
I can’t remember my earliest memory. I mean that’s to be expected right. My earliest memory is actually a bad one. It’s watching my dad walk away and never coming back. We were playing ball when I was younger. It rolled out the gate and went down the street. He chased after it and never returned. I remember waiting on the steps for him to come back. I waited so long I feel asleep and my grandpa carried me inside.
My second memory was shortly after the first. I got sick and my mom carried me to the hospital. I couldn’t breathe. I always had frequent asthma attacks so I was no stranger to the emergency room. I remember that my mom told me she loved me. She kissed me and told me to wait right there. She was going to the car to come back. She also never came back.
My dad ended up in jail and my mom used my dad’s absence to run away. He was abusing her and she couldn’t take it anymore. She left with all her children except me. As young as I was, I can’t remember the abuse. I know that my skin crawls when my dad tries to touch me. I try not to think about it but when I do I wonder why does everyone I love leave me? I lost my parents within days of each other. From there my issues with trust, abandonment, and love was born. My earliest memory and learning experience happened when I was two. I learned that that life isn’t all roses and sunshine.
© Hikari Aie