Day 03 – Drugs and Alcohol

Day 03 – Your views on drugs and alcohol

Yesterday’s topic was drugs and alcohol. (Sorry I missed a day.)  I can’t sit here and say I haven’t done it because I have. I think everyone has done some sort of drugs or alcohol. It just depends on how far you go with it.

I’m a recovering alcoholic. It runs in the family. I’m not ashamed to say that I let alcohol take over my life. I went through a series of depressing events. The first time I broke was when my parents were continuously fighting. I was also being sexually and physically abused by a boyfriend that I couldn’t get away from. I smoked weed and at one point I did ecstasy. It was a hard time for me. I didn’t want to feel anything.

It got worse when my best friend was murdered. I spiraled because he was everything to me. He was the one who saved me from myself and that person who thought it was okay to beat on me. He protected me and we balanced each other out. We went to school with each other and I had a crush on him for the longest time. When he finally confessed that he loved me it was crazy. I went on a vacation and got a phone call. They said he was murdered. Shot over twenty or thirty times going home. He driving home less than a minute away from his house. The pain that I felt was surreal. I loved him and just like that he was gone before I could tell him.

I found comfort in drinking again because it took the pain away. The pain that was etched into me. I was never the same person after he died. Alcohol made it better. It burned going down just like how my heart burned. It made me numb to the pain that I felt. My world was crashing.

I can’t judge anyone on their use of drugs and alcohol because everyone has their own story. Some people are lucky enough to kick the habit and others lose themselves to it. I was one of the lucky ones. I got out but it wasn’t an easy fight.

It’s always easy to pick up a bottle or pop a pill when times get hard. Its harder to say no and just deal with the challenge. Do I do drugs? Not since that period several years ago. I can’t lie I liked how I felt being on that pill. I was happy and carefree. I felt nothing but when I came down off my high nothing changed. I still had to face the truth. I was still suffering but I couldn’t keep hiding or running from it.

Do I still drink?  Yes, socially. It’s still hard because I still feel guilty doing it when I know I’m doing it for the wrong reasons. Not like it has a good reason for it but you know what I mean. Once in a while I might break and grab a bottle but I have to figure this out on my own. I have a lot to lose now if I go off the wall. I have a family and I would prefer that they never see me like that. That’s my motivation.

I can’t stop you or anyone from doing drugs or drinking because its not my life nor story. The most I can say is that it is a dangerous road to go down. The only person holding the gun to head is you. If you’re going to drink then know your limit. If you’re going to do drugs then be prepared because you still have to deal with whatever your running from.

© Hikari Aie

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