This is the time when I was recovering and trying to take care of myself. I already had an ultrasound and I was almost a 100% recovered from the kidney infection. The only thing I had to do was put my legs my up and rest.
Easier said than done. I was struggling with different thoughts that plagued my mind. Number one being that my now ex didn’t want to have the baby. However, I’m getting too far ahead of myself.
Let’s go back to the beginning.
We’d always practiced safe sex. My reason for this was because I was deathly afraid of having more children. It was hard enough being a single mom and I couldn’t imagine going through the process by myself again.
I remember the night he looked at me and said its okay. He wanted this more than anything in the world. Imagine my surprise but he said all the right things. Every fear that I had he blew out like the flame to the candles flickering in the room. He made me feel that this was the end game for us, after being together for years, we should extend our family. We decided that night to do it, among the candle light and soft music. If I got pregnant then it was definitely “suppose” to be. If not then we wait another couple more years. I honestly was fine with that decision. I was ready.
I remember the days when I really started to feel sick. Using the bathroom was hard and trying to walk was even harder. It was so uncomfortable to sleep. I was throwing up on and off. Due to my work schedule I figured I was over worked and coming down with a cold. When I get “sick” I really get sick. Sick days for me are so rare that when I finally open my mouth to say something then the ailment has reached the point of hospitalization.
On this one day I must have woken him up several times with intentions to tell him something was wrong, but he was so tired that I backed out every time he looked at me with sleepy eyes then asked if I was “OK”. I nodded, kissed his cheek, and said, “Go back to sleep baby.” He’d rub my back which gave me comfort and was out again within minutes.
It wasn’t until we left the house later that whatever was happening to me got worse. I couldn’t eat and I tried. I tried to tell myself that it was all in my head and that it was made up but it wasn’t. When I told him I wasn’t hungry, he sat next to me and fed me. When that was over I remember going to play a game of dominoes around friends and that was it. I could not move nor breathe. Every breath I took hurt. I didn’t realize I was even crying until I was staring at my best friend, Silence.
I never cry or if I did it wouldn’t have been in a room full of friends or strangers. I think that was basically it for him. I wasn’t laughing or happy that day. I remember he kept questioning me about my mood and I claimed it was fatigue. He got my boyfriend one time and the barrage of questions began.
Are you okay?
Can you talk?
Can you walk?
Do you need to go to the hospital?
Talk to me.
I eventually caved and started to cry harder. I begged him to take me home after they both helped me to the car. Driving home we got stuck in traffic and I couldn’t deal with it anymore. He ended up taking me to the hospital. This was the day I found out I had an infection that spread to my kidneys. Nothing in my body was functioning right. Everything was failing…
To be continued
Eight More Days…
Day Six: The Hospital