Eight More Days…

Surprisingly enough, I am doing well. Eight more days and it will be the anniversary of when I lost my little one. In the past I would scream and shout or just become a shut in as the dates get closer.

It’s on my mind. The day everything happened and the pain I felt. Strangely enough it feels like karma is finally getting back at me. The pain that I feel in my stomach right now reminds me of the pain that I felt that day. It gets hard to catch my breath sometimes or I can barely move. I just sit/stand and wait for the pain to pass so I can continue what I’m doing.

po5wpz9fcwOddly enough, when I found out I was pregnant back then I had gotten extremely sick. I knew I was pregnant before I took the test. It was a nagging gut feeling. I just knew. Today I’m sick…just sick. I’m getting the same pains and the familiar pull in my stomach. Unfortunately, pregnancy is far from the cause. Although, I wish I was pregnant. I know it won’t fill the void but I still want it…you know?

Maybe you don’t know. Maybe you’re too young to understand or probably saying get over yourself its been years. However, for me, its a lifetime of guilt.

The worse part about that day was that I was alone. It was then that I realized that it was the beginning of the end of my relationship. Losing a child hurts, but its worse when you have to deal with the loneliness and pain by yourself. There was no one to turn to and no hand to hold.

I lost more than my child that day. I lost myself.

To be continued:

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Crossing the Finish Line…

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Seven Days Left – The Beginning

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2 thoughts on “Eight More Days…

  1. Pingback: Crossing the Finish Line… | hikaricherryblossoms

  2. Pingback: Seven Days Left – The Beginning | hikaricherryblossoms

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