15 Years Broken

For the last several years of my life, I have been swamped with family affairs. Every time there is a holiday or an event coming up, my father caters. I have no qualms with the business but after a while when do you decide that enough is enough. When do you put your family first?

For the last fifteen years, maybe more, every holiday and special event my dad has cooked. Christmas, Graduation, Thanksgiving, Easter, Valentine’s Day…etc. After a while, trying to uphold “family traditions” becomes pointless and you stop looking forward to things. I remember that he missed my eight grade graduation and piano recitals to make “money”. Money always came first and I accepted that.

Now when holidays come around I do not look forward to it. I never can celebrate it with my significant other. It either had to be done days in advance or days after, never on the day of. On several occasions I had to postpone my birthday and it sucked…a lot.

Like everyone else I had the whole night before and day of planned. It’s Valentine’s Day right? Why not go out of the way to show that special someone that you care for them? I mean, I show him I care for him every day and with every breath I take but I still wanted to get into the “spirit”. As I’m sitting down finalizing the details of the day, my phone rings and that’s when everything goes to shit.

I really wanted to say no but I couldn’t because my mother is recovering from surgery. She isn’t even home. Lucky for her, she gets to recuperate in the states away from the drama. Even though my plans changed, I still tried to keep a positive outlook on the day. At first it was just catering for one event and then on Friday I found out that it was two events. In that span of time, my hopes fell. Even my plan B wasn’t going to work.

As disappointed as I was, bitter, angry, and frustrated, I still pushed through. I woke up, went to work, and did the jobs. The difference about this job versus all the rest was that my significant other was there. He’s so selfless. He is the first guy that ever made it his business to not let me go through the motions alone. He’s been to every event that I have to work at, just volunteering. I don’t expect him to show up but when I arrive he’s already there ready to lend a hand.

I believe this is what won my dad over with him. As well as all the things that he’s done for me and my son. He’d give me his heart if I needed it more than him. He’s that kind of guy. Yes, my mood did lift a little. I did want to spend the day with him but I didn’t want to do it serving ungrateful people with little to no manners. Surprisingly, he was having a ball. He is such a social butterfly that sometimes I wonder if I’m doing the socializing thing wrong.

That’s when everything clicked. In my past relationships, my exes made made me feel so bad for having the family that I have. I know that they aren’t the greatest but what family is. They would get frustrated that a cooking event came up and that plans had to get cancelled or changed. I couldn’t help the situation but I tried to make up for it the best way I could. I soon learned the hard way that it wasn’t enough for them. None of them tried or attempted to become part of my life the way I became part of theirs. It really sucks to devote your time, love, and affection to someone who will never take the time out to truly get to know you.

Now here I am with this guy standing next to me, happily serving the ungrateful people with little to no manners. Every time our eyes met, he winks at me just because. He smiles, laughs, cracks a joke here and there. He never got annoyed or frustrated. After everyone has gotten their fill, he looks at me and says,

I Love You.

It is possible that this is the moment where the crowd goes “Awwwww”. However, in his silly nature, he doesn’t stop there. While everyone is eating he pulls me to him and we start to dance in the open. Be in mind, no one else is dancing outside but us. As much times as I tried to pull away in embarrassment, he never lets me go until he feels the moment has reached its maximum capacity. I melt against him, close my eyes, and inhale his scent.

No kiss needed after. Well, maybe a small one. It was in that moment that I realized that I got exactly what I wanted. I may not have been able to do movies, dinner, walks on the beach or receive/give an elaborate gift but I got to spend time with him. He made every moment of every minute count, down to the seconds. We shared laughs, goofed off, held hands, stole kisses, and just relished in each other’s company.

He’s real and genuine. He isn’t going to hurt me or do what the rest have done. If anything, he has worked harder than anyone else to put me back together, shard by shard. I’m trusting him more and more with my heart, with myself in general. You don’t even know how hard it is for me to give up this kind of trust. I’m falling in love with him again. Every day there is a new reason to love him.

He loves me. It shows with every little thing he does for me. To him it may not seem like anything but to me it really means the world. For the first time in at least fifteen years, the fog lifted. Much like glass, he’s shattering all obstacles to go above and beyond.

Long story short…

It doesn’t matter what you can do or make happen. It’s the thought that counts.

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