Bad Guy

I hate you.

Three words that stirred so much emotion in me that I had to do a double take.

My son and I have been going through the motions since the separation with my ex. I’m trying to find that balance in my life with him where he can get some type of normalcy again.

Needless to say he’s been acting out at home and it’s progressing to school. I’ve been working on just having one on one time with him but he hasn’t been making it easy.

So he told me hates me last night. He’s eight. I figured I had a good couple of years in with my sweet little boy before the tween thing started happening. Boy….was I wrong.

I didn’t cry or yell or even get mad. I took a breath and said “Oh…that hurts but I still love you.”

Now at the the time I really didn’t know what to do. At first I wanted to just sit and cry. I didn’t know if my response was correct or if he should have gotten a different reaction.

All I know is that those three words tore me down and I realized my little one was hurting. He was hurting so bad that his reaction was to hurt me.

I understand…Everything changed with a blink of an eye.

I’m his mom. I’m suppose to fix all the problems and kiss the pain away. I’m suppose to protect him and chase away his nightmares. I’m suppose to always be the good guy.

Sometimes as a mom, you can’t always be super. Sometimes you have to admit defeat. You have to be the “Bad Guy”. So he’s mad at me and I’m the “Bad Guy”.

Well little one, my job isn’t easy. In being the “Bad Guy” I’m protecting you. I’m protecting you from future disappointment. I’ll be the “Bad Guy” when I need to be, not because I hate you.

I’ll be the “Bad Guy” because I Love You.