Traveler

I’ve been thinking. I want to travel to the world. Really travel the world.

I want to visit exotic places and see different scenes. I don’t want to only see the tourist attractions but I want to see the bad side of these places as well because behind every beautiful place is one character flaw. I think the flaws of the place is what really makes it pretty sometimes, from the graffiti on the wall to the house that needed to be painted over.

I find beauty in the smallest things but I still really want to travel to place like

Hawaii

PIC FROM LAVA LIGHT GALLERIES / CATERS NEWS - These are the stunning pictures showing the moment a wave breaks. Captured by lava light galleries the pictures were taken in Hawaii. The amazing photos were taken by CJ Kale and Nick Selway- SEE CATERS COPY

I want to swim in those majestic waters and snorkel to my hearts content. I also want to surf, even though I have a fear of putting my head underwater without a mask on.

I live on an island and my fear of drowning is strong but for an adventure…I would over come it.

Venice, Italy

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I just want to see the beauty of this place. I hate traveling on long flights and airplanes but to get to these places I would do it. Over come the fear of flying and drowning.

Paris, France

paris-8I have always wanted to go there. The international capital of love. I watched it on movies and TV series. I just want to go and soak in the beauty that people have seen and deemed worthy to call it the place of love. Also, I really want to eat some french fries. It’s silly but I can say I finally had “French” Fries.

Africa

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I don’t know if I really want to travel here but I would do it for my son. He is into animals and I know for a fact this is the place for him to go. Next I know he might have me climbing mountains and going white river rafting. I do want to see what Africa is like. Is it really that hot or is it a myth? Like Mythbusters, I’m going to find out.

Belgium

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A friend recommended this place. He said it’s amazing so I’m going to take his word for it. He’s going to pay for the trip but he doesn’t know it yet.

Australia

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Needless to say that after watching Kangaroo Jack and Finding Nemo, Australia had to be on the must fly list. I want to soak up the culture and bask in the sun.

U.S. Virgin Islands

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I don’t need to visit here because this is my home. Home of some of the best beaches and yummy island food.

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The culture here is so rich and inviting. The night life is fun and full of dancing, laughter, and happiness.

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Some of the people here suck but it’s beautiful and it’s a must visit, at least once. I’ll even give you tips on where to go and what not to do.

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They all my home Paradise and I have to agree sometimes.

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Until next time….That’s me by the way.

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Depression

I don’t know where to start. There is a part of me that’s wants to continue to say that I’m doing fine. There is also another part of me that feels so empty that I don’t know when it will ever stop.

It’s like I’m an empty shell of a human. I walk and talk. I play the role well but inside is just hollow. I can’t describe the feeling of trying to live an every day life. The feeling of not wanting to do anything or just not feeling motivated.

Its a combination of intense sadness and overwhelming anger. The worse part is that it grows. Every day it gets a little bit stronger and more intense. It’s suffocating…like someone has a pillow over head and is slowly killing me.

It didn’t start over night, I remember that much. It started when I was younger…a darkness that slowly started to eat away at me. I suppose the pain and the hurt that I’ve kept in all these years finally did me in. I don’t know why I found that funny but I did.

Sometimes its good to laugh when you have  no more tears to spill. I’m laughing now….that laughter that you have down in your gut…the good kind that makes you cry tears.

I’m sad…a deep sadness that is just destroying me emotionally, physically, and mentally. Do I want to go the route of pills? Take a pill everyday in hopes that this feeling would go away if only for a moment so that I could live a happy life? Do I speak to someone professionally? Can they fix the years of damage that was done? Or should I take the cowardly way out, close my eyes, and cease to exist.

This feeling of depression…of hopelessness…never gets easier. It never gets better.

Or does it?