Bad Days

Everyone is entitled to a bad day. What gives a person the right to dump on you and state that you have to remember that other people have it worse? We all know that some where there is a person who is having a bad day but today is your day. If you are the type of person who gives it 100% at work, friendships, relationships, and life then you are entitled to an awful day.

You sit down and listen to everyone’s problems and try to help them, turning water into wine…but when its your turn….that’s where the “drama” comes in. No one wants to listen and everyone just throws the blame game. Just give me one day to vent, a shoulder to cry on, and just one person to listen and not judge. I didn’t judge you when you told me intimate details of your life.

At that moment, I didn’t tell you that you were ungrateful or selfish. I listened. I didn’t say you deserved what happened. I handed you a tissue, a drink, and you vented until you were tired. However, I have a bad day and I’m being condemned. This is life. This is my world.

I help everyone and I give my last dollar or the clothes on my back to “friends” who need help. I help them find places to live and jobs to work so they can through it away for the opposite sex. Then when they get “dumped” or “burned” I’m there to start the process all over again.

I’m stuck in a prison where I am unable to speak my mind. So I hide and sit in the shadows. I put on a mask, smile, and laugh 24/7. Is this the reason why no one expects me to have a bad day? Because of this mask I wear so well? This mask is my version of make-up.

I wonder if this is why suicide rates climb? Because of issues like this? Not being able to have an outlet or the right to feel bad.  So if I committed suicide then people would be like:

“Why didn’t they talk to me? I was right here!!!”

“Oh my, I didn’t even know they were struggling with this.”

“They should have gotten help.”

“I remember when we skipped school and went to the beach. Where did that person go?”

Maybe….just maybe…That person tried to talk to you and you shut them down. When they waited for two hours for you to show up for date night and you bailed without a text or call. But you remember to say “I love you.” hours after because you don’t want them to be mad. Or maybe when this person vented you ignored them to talk about your issues and relationship debacles.  Or even when they just wanted to watch a stupid cartoon movie that you felt you were too “Adult” to see.

So when that person gets quiet or shuts down, then they are accused of being over dramatic. They want all the attention when in reality they just want an ear. Some one to listen but is so afraid to talk from previous experiences that nothing comes up.

Eventually when it gets too much….they jump.

And your sitting there thinking maybe….just maybe…..I should have listened.